We’ve all heard the stories of people who go through terrible self-esteem issues in middle- and high school. I can add my story to the pile. Not only did I cover my mirrors because I was disgusted how I looked, I was also constantly obsessing over how others perceived me and how to look better.
weight loss and weight gain
I have lost and gained a bunch of weight in my life. For a long time I suffered from disordered eating. In a way, I still do. There are days where I feel like I can’t trust the hunger cues my body gives off and I feel guilty after eating something ‘bad’. I don’t want to get into the morality of labeling some foods as good or bad, but the fact that this language around food is normalized at all says something about the state our society is in.
The ‘body positivity’ movement has blown up on the internet. The essence of this movement is beautiful – all bodies are good bodies. It strives to be inclusive and self-loving. At the core, I agree with this sentiment dearly. ‘Fat acceptance’ is a big part of the movement, but it is a misconception that body positivity means it’s just accepting fat bodies. It’s about all bodies and accepting all flaws.
I wrote a post on Instagram about what body positivity actually means for me. ‘‘Being body positive stands for giving people the CHOICE to live in a body THEY are comfortable with, not what society is comfortable with.”
The turning point
Law school has been incredibly stressful for me, and I still don’t know if I have made the right choice. Going through stressful periods in my life sometimes gives me so-called ‘flare ups’ in my disordered eating. This happened to me again recently. But this time I realized that even though my body gets thinner, I do not feel any better about my life. If anything, I become more critical of my body as well as my mind.
It made me realize that weight loss is not the solution here. I need to repair the relationship I have with myself before anything else. However, there has been an entire industry that profits off of women hating themselves, and those company’s would LOVE for you to think weight loss in the answer to all of your problems.
This is when I started to dive into body positivity, and this is where I am on the journey. I wanted to write about it because it has been on my mind A LOT lately and I have been sharing some of my thoughts about it on my Instagram.
I want to repair my relationship with food and exercise, but first I am working on the relationship I have with myself.